1 week from today. How is that I'm down to 1 week until I'm at college and how is that I suddenly have so much I want to do before then?! Last night was by far one of my most favorite nights of my summer. I went and played Bingo with 3 of my friends and we had an absolute blast. There was so much laughter and just good quality fellowship. Tomorrow i am doing my dorm shopping, so weird. Part of me is getting excited to go and a huge part of me just wants to stay here! 

I will go

With school only 13 days away- I can't help but think about it. I have been freaking out about going- not wanting to leave in the slightest. However, since last night God has started to transform my heart. I still don't want to up and leave, as I said earlier, the closer I get to leaving Texas, the more I realize just how much I love it here and how much I don't want to leave. But God is starting to fill my heart with excitement and starting to remind me of some things he has shown me over the past few months. 

1. I am going EXACTLY where God wants me to be.

2. God doesn't care if I am comfortable or uncomfortable with what he is doing in my life, bottom line is, it's not about me. Being a true follower of Christ is intended to be costly

3. God is 100% unchanging and the ONLY thing I can rely on and no matter where I am, He is going to be there holding my hand all along and that's all that I need

4. If I truly surrender it all to God He will make it turn out better then I could EVER imagine, it just may take some time for me to see that

5. God is not asking me to do this all on my own, he's simply asking me to trust Him and follow Him and let His will be done on His time

6. I am on this earth for one reason- To glorify the beautiful and precious name of my King and savior, Jesus Christ

7. If God is for me then who could ever stop me and if God is with me then what could stand against?

There's a song called "I will go" by Starfield that I feel completely defines my life right now and what I am about to go do. The chorus goes like this-

"Let this life be used for change, I will go Lord, send me to the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything I am, I'm clay within your hands, I will go, send me. I want to live for you, go where you lead me, I want to follow you." 

and finally in plain simplicity- the ultimate undeniable sign that this is where I am supposed to be and why I am going

With all these things I feel ridiculous for even remotely freaking out. Glory to God

Well the beach was absolutely AMAZING and SO much fun. Just what I needed- the week went way too fast as always and I wish we could have stayed longer. The water was absolutely gorgeous, crystal clear in fact, the temperature was as perfect can get and the sun was fantastic and the trip was just God filled all around. I wish I could go redo it all over again. So two weeks from today is the big day- the day that I leave for college. It's starting to slowly hit but still hasn't completely and I don't know if it's going to until I see my parents driving away. I have a little excitement but honestly what I feel right now is that I just don't want to leave home, I don't want to leave Texas. I never thought I would say that but I'm starting to realize just how much I love it here. However, I think I am going to love Boone- it's just going to take some adjusting. It just feels weird getting ready for college, when did I transition from being a kid to getting ready to live on my own? What I am most excited about by far though is the bedspread I just bought for my dorm room, get ready..... It's a texas flag comforter!!!!! I'm pretty much obsessed with it and cant wait to use it. 

I found a new love for spa and relaxation music today- in fact I'm listening to some right now as I write this. I don't know, it's just pretty awesome and  well- relaxing. Jimmy is coming home tomorrow for a wedding and I'm really excited to see him, it'll be awesome to get to have the whole family together before I go off! Also, Right before I left for vacation I created a new blog, I haven't used it yet but I think I might switch over to is once I get to school or maybe I'll just use them both, not really sure yet. I just feel like it might be time for a new one seeing as I have had this one going since 7th grade....

Anyway, that's it for now!

What a weird week it has been. I have gone from feeling completely free and excited to suddenly feeling like I'm right back where I started at the beginning of summer. AKA just blah about everything. I don't know if you ever get the feeling of things being too good to be true, well that's how I felt last week and now I'm starting to think i was right. At least that's the mindset satan is putting in my life right now and boy is he good at manipulating it- he knows just what buttons to press. And unfortunately even though I know it is him, I still allow myself to fall for it and get caught up in it all. I started to pack some of my room tonight for school- things are starting to sink in. I am leaving in less than a month for school- I am NOT okay with this, i thought I was, but I'm quickly finding out that I was wrong. More than ever I am second guessing my choice of school and more than ever I want time to slow down. Thankfully I leave for vacation on Sunday and I'm really hoping it'll do me some good to get out of town for a week and just relax and not worry about a thing. Again I say, this summer is just plain WEIRD!

And once again, I'm longing to be back at UM ARMY. Despite all the sickness and not so great things of last week- I still wish I were there. Monday and Tuesday were defiantely my favorite days there and I wish I could just go back and do them over and over again. I'm still trying to even remotely wrap my mind around what God revealed to me there and all that I've found myself able to do is just sit in plain of awe of Him and His Glory. He's really blown me away on how He has so quickly changed my summer around- mentally and spiritually wise that is. I feel like a little kid on Christmas eve right now, just sitting in suspense and waiting in anticipation for what He is going to reveal and do next. I hung out with a few people I had hardly seen all summer last night and after watching what all went on, all I could do was laugh and shake my head. I can honestly I say I have absolutely no common ground with these people I was once with friends and the commonality  that they now have with each-other is one I have no desire to be apart of. What made me laugh most of all though was after several people asked what I had been up to and I replied with "I just got back from round 2 of UM ARMY!"- everyone's response was "WHY?" in an almost disgusted tone. Each time it made me laugh and when I tried to explain I went because I had nothing else to do and how awesome it was to go twice and all that God had revealed to me- I had people answer with, "oh.... I'm sorry" or "that's cool?" Only to have them quickly change the subject to stuff I don't want to be apart of and after watching and listening to it all, I was sitting there and just kind of praying to God. And what crossed was my mind was, they just don't get it, what a waste of time this all is, How awesome God really is, the feelings and experiences that he can give! And then just a sadness for all of them came over me because there's nothing I can say or do that will make them get it. Only God can make them get it and only they can make the decision to answer to His calling. And even through last night I could feel God working, I could feel him telling me to just keep following him, no matter the cost. I may have lost all those "friends" this year, even though they never really were friends, but God is SO worth it. I wouldn't change a thing for the world and I know that through events like last night that he is preparing my heart and mind even more so to leave for school. Each day I feel like God is just flooding me with more and more answers and reassurances and preparedness. In other news- I leave Sunday for a week at the beach and I couldn't be more ready or excited!